Mowing in the dark.....

Yep, you read this correctly....mowing in the dark.  I will preface this by saying my goal was to go running while my middle child was at football practice.  However, I arrived to find twice as many people at the fields and some sort of game going on as well, no running for me.
So when we arrived home I decided there was just enough light to mow the front yard, get some excersize in and all.  Just, just enough light....right? HA!  Nope,  by the time I got going it was dark and I was mowing by the romantic light of the street lamp. :)  Didn't even finish the whole yard.  But, in those moments of mowing in the dark I learned a few things....

It isn't easy to see the path I was making in the dark....I need a bit of light to figure out if I'm in line with my line, so to speak.  This immediately made me think of my own life.  How often do I try to walk to a place I can't see...His word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path(Psalm 119:105). If I'm all about me and what I can do and I can't be about Him and the amazing things He does!

It is easy to end up going over the same area several times just to make sure I've covered all areas. It makes the job twice as long!  Sometimes I get so carried away with stuff I find I'm just doing the same busy work over and over again....if I'm not asking the Lord to guide my steps and let me know if each step, each moment, each choice is where He is leading, I'm just wasting time trying to make sure I've covered all the "right" areas.


I did try to see what I'd done after I turned the machine off and put it away but you know what....it's really hard to see the details in the dark!  I tried to take some pictures, they did show one area I missed, but the others didn't show much detail either.  I was reminded that in the morning when the sun begins to shine, we will all see how I did.  There won't be any way to hide any mistakes.  The bonus to this is that I can then fix the areas that were missed, but only when the light is shining. :) But often, in life, we think we don't need to fix anything, we can just keep hiding.  We rush, we fill life with stuff with no greater purpose, we slap on a smile, we hide behind a mask, we are sarcastic, or hurtful, or we just refuse to engage.  We can't hide behind stuff forever....Luke 8:17 says this, "For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light." Letting His light shine makes my pitiful attempts to do things my way seem ridiculous...because they are!  But every time He shows me another area I have been holding on to, I am humbled to see Him working in me...He loves me that much! 

So my take away from my silly little plan?  I need His light....I need it constantly, and I need the reminder that working in the dark doesn't work so well. I think we all need the reminder that we need to be willing to toss aside our masks, our defense mechanisms, our pride (it often comes down to pride), our goals, our fears,  our plans, our busy work and give all of it up to the One whose plans will always be better, greater, more amazing than anything we could have ever imagined!

Sometimes we have to walk the hard path.....

I'm writing out the book of John....when I say I'm writing it out I mean that I have a book (called a Journible, you can check them out here)....and when I say I'm writing this out I mean I've been working on this for a loooooooooong time, I'm a procrastinator and there was the time I lost the book...you get the picture.
Anyway, I am almost done now.  I have a chapter left after today.  I didn't go in order, I left chapter 19 almost for last.  Why?  Because this is the crucifixion of my Jesus.  I didn't know how it would feel to write each word involved in this huge story, especially since writing out the rest of the book has been such a meaningful process for me. I have learned so many things, the Holy Spirit has revealed so many different lessons I desperately needed and didn't even know it (He's amazing like that).
Today though, I was to write verses 34-42 of chapter 19....wrap it up, move on to the final chapter, and rejoice that even though I was slow, it is complete. Instead I decided to skip to 20 today, yesterday was emotionally hard to write. 20 is the resurrection!  Woot! Woot!!  What a thing to live through in these words, right?!?!
Nope, I couldn't do it.  I wrote one verse and felt the Lord pulling me back to chapter 19. WHY?  I just wanted today to be THE day...the day we celebrate Him being alive again, feeling the emotions of the disciples and Mary Magdalene (yes, I get into books this intensely, which is why I am super careful with what I invest my time in!). I sat.....I thought...I didn't pray, I already knew what He was saying.....
I obeyed.
Whoa....what lessons He had for me today!  I can hardly type fast enough!
First- sometimes, whether we like it or not....we HAVE to walk the hard path.  Have to....we will be required to face the things that intimidate us or make us uncomfortable or....the things that really hurt....for His glory.
Second....it is worth it...He is worth it. Every hard moment, every tear cried, ever frustration voiced, every everything....worth it when we begin to see Him everywhere, feel His peace, know His Truth in a life altering way, show His love in ways we've never been able to do on our own, because we can't on our own....
Third....we can't hide forever....I read the verse that said Joseph and Nicodemus were secret followers of Christ. Well, Nicodemus is just listed as first coming to Christ by night. Joseph is fearful of the Jewish leaders, they aren't exactly kind to His followers.  Yep, the Bible lists Joseph this way, "being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly" .... and I was struck.....secretly he was a disciple....secretly he followed, secretly he lived....secretly...
 Have I tried to live secretly as a follower?  Have I wanted to watch what everyone was watching, listen to what everyone was listening to, go along with how everyone else was acting/speaking/being?! Yep. I think, if we are honest, we all have. 
But He knows this CANNOT go on forever.  No man can serve two masters (Matthew 6:24) And in the case of Joseph and Nicodemus...it didn't. The time came for both these men, and many others I'm sure, when they couldn't be secret disciples They are the ones that wrapped Jesus' body. Joseph is the one that made the request to Pilate himself! 
But they waited until after their Lord was dead, after they could walk with Him as He was, after the many moments not even listed in Scripture (twice in the book of John alone it is said there are so many other things Jesus did that aren't recorded)....after.....
My challenge for myself and my friends...keep fighting the fight....keep seeking Him above all else...but also, stop trying to hide bits of Jesus in your life....or trying to make your life fit with those around you for fear of the unknown or ridicule or whatever......don't wait until "after".....
Whew....I'm going to go back to the Scripture now and pray and praise Him whose plans are perfect and way better than mine!  Maybe someone else needed to hear this today as well, if not, well, then it was a gift for me and that is enough :)