A week or so ago we were having a day....you know the kind. The one that starts off ok but quickly swirls into some sort of mess that doesn't even remotely resemble what you thought would be going on. Parenting is hard enough on it's own, homeschooling makes it a tad more constant :) There are the constant teachable moments, the constant smiles, the constant whining, the constant complaining, the constant growing....
This day the issues started with my eldest child. A sweet boy who longs to please on most days he decided this day to push instead. It seemed like everything we did was a struggle. It seemed like every word he said was unkind, either to his siblings or myself. He really wants to have responsibility, he wants his siblings to listen to him, he wants to be in charge. Unfortunately when said siblings do not listen, do not care and do not pay him any attention, the results are usually dismal. There is weeping, yelling, anger...all sorts of things.My husband and I were not seeing eye to eye this afternoon time either. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Fast forward a few days. The kids and I were getting in the car to go somewhere(the library I think). I asked them to stop repeating a part of a joke they had heard(this was the 4th time in 4 minutes I had to hear it). The boys both said ok and then both within moments had gone on to finish the joke yet again. Uggg, my heart was hurt. In both instances I was super super angry. How could they? How could they be so selfish, so self centered as to not care a bit?!!?!?!?
In these times of heartache, the Lord uses them to benefit me. Yep, you would think it would be some great instruction for the kids but no it's for me. The first time, He spoke with me on the way to walk off my frustrations and during that walk too. The second was in the car while talking with the boys. You see I hadn't been as consistant in my personal walk with Christ. Through my kids I saw a very ugly picture....it was a picture of my own life. I really want to handle my responsibilities well, I really want my kids to listen and obey, I really....well you get the picture. The result is the same- weeping, yelling, anger...all mine. Why do I push my Savior? Why do I seek my own self serving way? Why do I keep going after I know He has said stop, be still? My kids are looking rather angelic now! You see, they are kids. They are learning, they are growing, they are still figuring out how to walk with Christ on their own. I, on the other hand, am not a kid. Yep, I have that childlike faith but I have moved past the spiritual "milk" and into the "meat" section, all praise and thanks to Jesus. How easy it is to be angry at my kids until I see myself in them and instead of a fallible human parent correcting them I have my Father looking at me. I can only imagine how His heart breaks when I choose to turn the other way, when I choose to hold onto my anger, frustrations, grumpiness. I am eternally grateful that He loves me like no other, He forgives as no other can and saves me as no one else has ever been able to!
So, next time your kids are driving you batty, not listening and getting on your nerves....see if there is a lesson in there for you too. I promise, it doesn't make it easier(as I was totally humbled by His lesson for me) but He changed my perspective. It made me run to Him, holding close, which in turn makes it all worthwhile!
