Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Lesson from sickness

I hate being sick.  Not sure I know many people who enjoy it but I really, really don't like getting sick.
This week has been no exception.  My sharing, caring daughter shared her "sick germs" and this past Sunday I started to feel kinda bad.  Not terrible, mind you, just not great.  By that evening though, I was miserable.  Monday was no different.  I was in bed allllllllllllll day and still no great relief.  It didn't help that I had worked out on Saturday and was also incredibly sore.....really bad combination, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, when Bethany was sick I noticed the Lord showing me something about sickness and sin.  I tried to articulate it, found that I couldn't so I deleted the idea and went on my way.  Last night, though, the Lord reminded me again of the lesson from being sick.  So, I am going to try again....

Do you remember that first moment you did something you KNEW would not please your Savior?  Perhaps it was a word spoken in anger/gossip/malice.  Maybe it was something you chose to watch?   At first, when we are seeking to live for Christ moment by moment, we can be convicted pretty quickly of the sin in our lives.....when we....ok I'm going to switch to my life now...when I do something I know doesn't please Christ I am immediately convicted.  I am usually very repentant too.  Kinda like when you first get sick and nothing is right in the world.
But a funny thing happens over time.  I noticed last night that while I didn't enjoy being sick, I had settled into a routine that I kinda liked.  I stay in my room to contain the germs as much as I can, I play on the computer or take a nap or watch tv or play a game or read a book....whatever I would like to do.  Then, I get a drink and maybe stay up for a few minutes before I begin to feel yucky again and need to go lay down.  The cycle then continues.  While I don't like being separated from my kids, they have been amazingly well behaved and I haven't had to deal with any arguing.  I don't like not being able to teach them but it has been nice to not have any lessons to complete.  I miss fixing dinner for everyone but not the mess it makes and it has been nice not being in charge of it all the time  I miss spending time with my hubby, just the two of us chatting after the kids go to bed but with him doing the bedtime routine I only get the good stuff(when the kids all file in the room to tell me goodnight and they hope I feel better soon).    So while I don't love my new routine.....I do kinda like it.

It can be the same with sin.  While I may know immediately what I am doing/saying is wrong this time....if I decide(yes, it is a choice, "I can't help it" doesn't apply) to repeat that same behavior or action.....I may  not feel so badly about it.  Each time I dull that conviction that earlier was so strong.  How?  Well, it is a choice to walk away from Christ.  The further I get the easier it is to make poor choices, and they are poor choices.  Ones that will harm me.  I may think it's fun but He knows what is best for me and in the end......it isn't actually fun.  It's hurtful or it draws me into the world's way of thinking(not a good thing).  It makes it harder to share about Christ to those around me.  The sad part is, while I may not be comfortable, I turn it into a new routine.  One that includes my selfishness.  One that I can rationalize isn't too terrible.  One that does not glorify Christ.  I think I'm doing well until I try to get up and realize how yucky I feel.  Yep, just like being sick, when wallowing in sin I am not doing well.

Thankfully He is the Great Physician!  Christ is always drawing His kids back.  He forgives, He loves, He is always there. 

So that is my lesson the Lord taught me.  Not sure I explained it the best way possible but there it is. :)