What a ride! Lessons from the Car....

Jared has exactly 3 more hours at LearningRx.....that means the week after camp I will be done driving from my house to Hodges Blvd. three days a week....yea?

I am excited to be done.  Jared is too.  But I am left with a bit of wanting....or wishing...wanting him to be further along on the journey of his to read easily...wishing things weren't so tough some days...wanting him to feel comfortable reading whatever sign, menu, book, etc that comes his way...wishing I were "better" at reaching him, teaching him, understanding him.....

Ug....I read a friend's post earlier that said she had a nice bath in her own personal pity party...I know the feeling!  How I long to be more organized, more even tempered, more "with it"....but thankfully I am only called to focus on Christ, not on these other things I impose on myself!

Anyway!!  So here are some lessons I have learned over the past seven months- lessons from the car:

Driving 45 minutes away, 3 days a week is draining....it drains your time, your gas, your money....
Driving 45 minutes away, 3 days a week is rewarding...I am rewarded with LOTS of one on one time with the kids, I am rewarded with lots of laughter, smiles, sharing...
It is a necessity to have snacks in the car at all times!
It is important that said snacks not be perishable.....
If the car smells funny.....check for the chicken leg from yesterday's lunch! ;)
If you are a 6 year old little girl, a 45 minute drive does not mean you had time to put your shoes on.
If you are the mother to this girl, the 45 minute drive should have been spent praying for patience!
It is really fun to mess with your kids as you drive....
Laughing together is so very important!!
When you are stuck in the rain, on the Buckman, going 20 mph.....2 of your kids WILL have to go to the bathroom....baaaaaadly
Dancing to the radio is fun....especially when done together!
Letting the kids call to request a song on the radio is interesting.....
If the phone rings and you are able to safely answer it....all three kids will begin talking at once....
If you wave your hand at them like a crazy person to get them to stop talking, they will only begin to whisper.....loudly
Lessons in humility, truth, love, and kindness are taught as you drive.....
I am not usually the teacher of such lessons.
Sneezing in a closed in space(as in the passenger seat right next to me) will indeed make me cringe....
I need to do better and censoring this cringe and any words that may accidentally slip out(like, "Ew gross!)...
I will need to apologize to a few people when the 6 year old repeats such a phrase when someone sneezes near her....joy
I have really funny kids....
I am incredibly thankful for this time.....
 Being trapped together like this won't happen again....treasure the moments together as they come.

From my son to all moms.....

Last night as I was going in to tell my oldest goodnight an interesting thing happened.  Earlier he had whined about having to help straighten up the next day(being today) before playing a computer game.  I didn't get mad or fuss, I simply went on my way.  Apparently guilt had been settling on him.  He said, "Can we talk about what happened earlier?"  Imagine my surprise!  So we talked it through and then just talked.

He had been watching home movies that day.  He enjoys seeing himself and his siblings as little people...cute, funny, sweet, playing nicely with others, etc.  So on the tail end of talking through why he didn't want to help out today he asked me last night why he wasn't like that anymore.  My heart sank.  He was struggling with feelings of not being worth much, inadequate.

So, I began telling him what he was REALLY like...not the video version of himself.  Yes, he was sweet, funny, kind, played with others well...most of the time....but also he was stubborn, opinionated, and a very typical toddler.  I told him I loved who he was as a little one and so enjoyed him growing up...AND I sooooo love who he is and watching and helping him figure out this thing called life!  I love how crazy he is, how he tries to be sarcastic(not at all the right times, though), how he has a tender heart, and how I love to watch and see how he is growing in to a young man.  I told him of his birthday blog- he was pleased with that. :)  and listed some of the things that are dear to me about my sweet, sweet boy.  Like crazy, funny, sarcastic....

With tears my 12 year old said, "But if I'm crazy, how can I learn to be a responsible young man?!"  I giggled. :)  I told him I loved that he still danced like no one was watching and in a room full of people(doesn't matter who they are) he still yells, "MOMMY! or MOM!" and runs to give me a hug, no matter who may be staring.  That is crazy....in such a great way!  It is the type of crazy I want for all my kids...the type of crazy that means they are willing to defy the "norm" and be who God wants them to be!

We talked for another long while about all that I saw in him and that I only desire for him to follow God's path for his life..not my path for him.  It was sweet and precious and I will treasure it always.....
At this point for the 1 or 2 reading this you are probably wondering why I am blogging about this.  Well, as I was getting up to leave Jordan said to me, "Mom, will you blog our conversation?"  Very confused, I asked for clarification...he is a very private boy and most of his funny comments on life I am not allowed to share with the world.  Here is his explanation:

Well, I think that other moms of boys should do this.  You know, talk about what makes them special and why you love them and stuff, list the stuff that they like about them.  Maybe it would help someone else, you know?

So I bid you all a good day and with the wisdom of a 12 year old I say.....Go tell your kids why they are amazing and unique and that God made them specifically how they are, on purpose, and for His glory! :)

And then came one.....

A few months ago I relived the birth of my middle boy on his birthday.  I had all intentions of doing the same for my oldest as well.....his birthday was yesterday.  he he he, at least it's only a day, maybe a few more, right?!

My oldest was a surprise.  Not one of those, "OH MY WORD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT" surprises.  More like an early Sunday morning test followed by an equally early morning phone call to my sister(who reminded me I needed to tell Eddie and that all would be ok....she was going to be an AUNT!)  I will never forget going to class that Sunday morning and during the praise/prayer request time hearing another couple excitedly announce their pregnancy.  Oh how they rejoiced, how thrilled everyone was....they(the class) knew that this was not a quick journey to parenthood for them.  And then came our turn.  I, tearfully, announced we were also expecting.  The response was totally opposite, due to my tears and concern.  I was overwhelmed by the women AND men in our class surrounding us with support, love, and excitement.  Don't get me wrong, I was excited to be carrying a sweet baby.  I was, however, a young newly married "girl"...I didn't feel like I was old enough to be considered worthy or ready to grow a baby and then care for said sweet one. But God knows better.

A few months later we welcomed our sweet boy into this world.  It was such an amazing experience with my family and friends!  We brought a Polaroid type camera and Eddie rushed pictures of Jordan out to the waiting room that was filled with church family wanting to catch a glimpse of this new life.  My sister and mom were both in town and got to spend time with him soon after he was born, before I was moved to a regular room.  Such sweet memories.

What happened to the other couple?  Well, six days after my sweet boy was born....their sweet boy was born!  It was so great to go through pregnancy together- having someone to ask questions to, exchange stories with, and just spend time together.  I have pictures of our boys "playing" together as babies...such fun!  Alas, all good things come to an end and this did as well.  They were transferred elsewhere when the boys were still toddlers. His birthday, coincidentally, is today. :) 

My Jordan is 12......he is tall, goofy, handsome, funny, sarcastic, witty, lanky, smart, nerdy(his terms), sweet, kind, curious, Lego-enthusiast, creator, thinker, responsible-ish ;) , writer, artist, gamer(also his term), intuitive, quirky, cuddly(well, as cuddly as a kid can be who is almost as tall as I am!).  He is a Christ follower, is there anything better?!  He is learning to create his own relationship with Christ, separate from what I have taught him so far, what a wonderful thing!  We are entering a new time in his life.  One with lots of ups and downs....ok, lets be honest...lots of downs and some ups. ;)  How I miss that sweet little toddler who trusted everything mommy said and did.  How I love this 12 year old who wants to know ME more, not just as a mom but as a person.  He is one of my joys, one of my challenges, one of my blessings!

We have begun a sharing journal, he and I.  It has been neat to see his heart through this.  I have also tried to make sure he and I have time to chat at bedtime, with no set time frame, just to chat about the day and anything going on in his head....BOY, there are some amazing things floating around up there!!  I can hardly wait to see what he will accomplish in his life for the Lord.  I cherish these times and this journal.  It has been so honest, so open, so sweet.  He has shared things with me that have surprised me, made me laugh, yes-made me cry as well, and given me new, more insightful ways to pray for and with him.

So on this his birthday time, he he he, I am so very thankful for the perfect surprise.  What a treasure he is.  What a joy it is!  What a time we've had.  My heart feels as though it will overflow with love for this young man!

Happy birthday to my boy wonder!!!

My sweet boy wonder at a pool party!

Such a handsome one!

Lesson from sickness

I hate being sick.  Not sure I know many people who enjoy it but I really, really don't like getting sick.
This week has been no exception.  My sharing, caring daughter shared her "sick germs" and this past Sunday I started to feel kinda bad.  Not terrible, mind you, just not great.  By that evening though, I was miserable.  Monday was no different.  I was in bed allllllllllllll day and still no great relief.  It didn't help that I had worked out on Saturday and was also incredibly sore.....really bad combination, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, when Bethany was sick I noticed the Lord showing me something about sickness and sin.  I tried to articulate it, found that I couldn't so I deleted the idea and went on my way.  Last night, though, the Lord reminded me again of the lesson from being sick.  So, I am going to try again....

Do you remember that first moment you did something you KNEW would not please your Savior?  Perhaps it was a word spoken in anger/gossip/malice.  Maybe it was something you chose to watch?   At first, when we are seeking to live for Christ moment by moment, we can be convicted pretty quickly of the sin in our lives.....when we....ok I'm going to switch to my life now...when I do something I know doesn't please Christ I am immediately convicted.  I am usually very repentant too.  Kinda like when you first get sick and nothing is right in the world.
But a funny thing happens over time.  I noticed last night that while I didn't enjoy being sick, I had settled into a routine that I kinda liked.  I stay in my room to contain the germs as much as I can, I play on the computer or take a nap or watch tv or play a game or read a book....whatever I would like to do.  Then, I get a drink and maybe stay up for a few minutes before I begin to feel yucky again and need to go lay down.  The cycle then continues.  While I don't like being separated from my kids, they have been amazingly well behaved and I haven't had to deal with any arguing.  I don't like not being able to teach them but it has been nice to not have any lessons to complete.  I miss fixing dinner for everyone but not the mess it makes and it has been nice not being in charge of it all the time  I miss spending time with my hubby, just the two of us chatting after the kids go to bed but with him doing the bedtime routine I only get the good stuff(when the kids all file in the room to tell me goodnight and they hope I feel better soon).    So while I don't love my new routine.....I do kinda like it.

It can be the same with sin.  While I may know immediately what I am doing/saying is wrong this time....if I decide(yes, it is a choice, "I can't help it" doesn't apply) to repeat that same behavior or action.....I may  not feel so badly about it.  Each time I dull that conviction that earlier was so strong.  How?  Well, it is a choice to walk away from Christ.  The further I get the easier it is to make poor choices, and they are poor choices.  Ones that will harm me.  I may think it's fun but He knows what is best for me and in the end......it isn't actually fun.  It's hurtful or it draws me into the world's way of thinking(not a good thing).  It makes it harder to share about Christ to those around me.  The sad part is, while I may not be comfortable, I turn it into a new routine.  One that includes my selfishness.  One that I can rationalize isn't too terrible.  One that does not glorify Christ.  I think I'm doing well until I try to get up and realize how yucky I feel.  Yep, just like being sick, when wallowing in sin I am not doing well.

Thankfully He is the Great Physician!  Christ is always drawing His kids back.  He forgives, He loves, He is always there. 

So that is my lesson the Lord taught me.  Not sure I explained it the best way possible but there it is. :)  

Beach prep.

For my son,
I will stay up getting snacks ready.

For my son,
I will get up when I could be sleeping.

For my son,
I will go to the beach when I could be avoiding it.

For my son,
I will get my bathing suit out and put it on.

For my self,
I will cringe....

he he he he

Have a blessed day all! :)

10 years ago....

My boy turned 10 today.  I began thinking of his birth last night.  I remember dropping off my oldest at my friend's house, kissing him goodnight and praying we would get to the hospital quickly.....what I didn't know is that I am married to a man who does not think a woman in labor(clawing at the top of his car due to a contraction) is reason enough to run a red light on a deserted road.  So we didn't get to the hospital quickly, but we did go safely and without a ticket ;)  My husband was wonderful and caring.  Such a great man.
I also remember the nurse that came and got me from the ER wanted to know if I had a sunburn since my legs were red and blotchy...he he he...nope, it was just the way my body chose to react to the stress of childbirth.
I remember pain.  I remember trying to focus.....think of flowers.....visualize......think on Christ.....quote scripture(I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me was my mantra).....anything to get away from the intense pain radiating through my body.  My nurse was a man....one of the best labor and delivery nurses I have ever had the priveledge to work with(so to speak).  He was calm, kind, funny....what a great gift to have, the ability to calm or at least help calm a woman in labor.
And then the pain meds came.  I knew from my first child that this had the ability to take the pain and stress away.  It is quite lovely.  Unfortunately it also sllllllooooooowwwwwws my labor down.
And then, while I am finally somewhat peaceful I feel suddenly nauseous.....and then throw up...not once or twice but so often that they finally gave me something else just to make it stop(it looked like  a contraction on the moniter and the nurses were getting concerned). 
So what I thought would be a short process turned into an allllll night affair. 
Such was God's perfect timing.  For you see my mom was on her way.  She left and drove 6 hours straight(stopping once for gas) to the hospital.  Had she come earlier in the evening she would have been the one caring for my oldest and missed the experience of his birth with us.  What a long drive for her, I can only imagine.  She arrived and stepped out of the room to call my dad to let him know what was going on.  When she came back in.....low and behold they broke my water and my boy was born 20 minutes later!!  HA, she didn't even know she would be in the room when he was born.  I have often wondered what she was thinking when she came back in to see the baby was coming!  I will have to ask.
I should have known this boy would prefer mornings....joining us about 7:30 am.  He has always been my ONLY morning person.  He prefers snuggles in the morning and time together first thing to time together before bed.  Always has. 
I also should have know after all that drama just to meet him he would be my drama kid too.  :) 
I have learned so much from him, laughed so much with him, cried so much for him, and prayed so much about him. 

He is funny, witty, energetic, loyal(to a fault at times), handsome, has an amazing memory, loving, quick tempered, athletic, is learning to love reading, pushes boundaries, strong, loves to build, jumps in to anything new and interesting(no matter the consequences some times!), tries new things(not new foods but new things), compassionate, caring, sympathetic, generous, loves Jesus, creative, loves church, thinks outside the box, wears his heart on his sleeve, emotional, helpful, sweet, bright, smart.....the list could go on.

I will end this by saying this.....the boy I was blessed with 10 years ago has enriched my life in ways I still don't fully understand.  He has caused me to lean on my Savior more and myself less.  He has shown me how simply love can be and how easy giving really is.  He has taught me, through the lessons I have had to teach him, about friendship, Christ, obedience...you name it.  I would not be the follower of Christ I am today without having Jared in my life.  Wow.....I will "say" it again...for my benefit(sorry just bear with me)....I would not be the follower of Christ I am today without having Jared in my life.

Praise my wonderful, marvelous Savior for His good and perfect gift...not that the child is perfect but that through  this child we would both grow closer to the One who is perfect.  My desire is that one day I also could impact others for Christ in this way!  What's your desire?!  Jump in with Christ!!  Join the party! :)

An Amazing Blessing

I am not sure if I am doing this right or not....but I just had to share an amazing gift.  A friend posted a video of her sweet girl getting baptized and I couldn't help but share!  So go there(as listed below) and be blessed to watch another child of the King and listen to her mom's ecstatic joyful laughter!


http://hmmm27.blogspot.com/

Coolness!!

Of course I am often reminded of how good God is in my life but wanted to share with the one maybe two people that actually read this blog my exciting news!!

Today I was given a gift that is priceless.....after cleaning up lunch I told Jared he needed to get his math.  I noticed it was quiet and wondered what he and his brother were doing.  They were reading....on their own sitting in the playroom just reading.  For my oldest this is nothing new.  He LOVES to read, always has.  But as we all know for my Jared this is a difficult thing and there he was book in hand totally engrossed in what is going on in the story!!!  As he is getting up(reading and walking at the same time) he asks for five more minutes to read pleeeeeeeeease.  Ummmm, yeah, thinking this is doable!!! 

I asked if he would read me something and tell me what is going on(you know the nonchalant comprehension check) and he proceeds to read an entire page to me with only a couple of errors(and these are simply things he hasn't gone through yet with his tutor or trainer)!!!!  He giggled at the funny stuff and everything!!! 

PRAISE JESUS!!!! 
This is awesome!!!!! 
This is coolness!!!!

To struggle

At times, I struggle.  I struggle with feelings of inadequacy, of inability, and of incompetence.  Why....because I am a human being that is flawed.

Tonight I am thankful for a Savior that was as human as me yet was not flawed in any way.  I'm so very thankful that I have a Bible I am free to read and memorize and hold dear with no thoughts of my safety in such endeavor.  I'm thankful for Him.
I'm thankful for my kids.  I can laugh and cry all within an hour.  They are marvelous beings! 
Yep, I fail them....I fail Him...but His grace is sufficient and mercies are new every day.  He teaches, we learn.  He speaks, I listen.
I'm thankful for LearningRx and Ms. Sue our tutor.  My boy is getting there.  His writing is improving, his reading while still choppy is coming along. 
I have described these weeks with Jared as possibly turning a corner....who knew the corner was to the worlds largest building with the worlds widest corners...he he he!
I am thankful for the ability to teach my kids.  Every few months I allow this area to become a foothold in my life to begin to tear down the work the Lord has done in my life.  I will even admit to looking around and (dare I say it) comparing my kids and my teaching style to the rest.....anyone know what happens when this is done?
Jesus tells the parable of the worker in the field.  One started first thing in the morning for a set price.  A few hours later another is hired...for the same price.  A few hours later, yet another comes alongside to work....for the same price.  This goes on and on.  When the day is done there are some disgruntled workers.  I don't even have to imagine what the conversation was because my kids have been in similar situations and voiced all  the same frustrations.  It's not fair, I worked longer/harder/better...  (To read the actual words go to Matthew 20....the above paragraph is my own paraphrase.)Jesus responds with this:

¹³ “But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? ¹⁴ Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. ¹⁵ Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
Matthew 20:13-15 


When I compare what I have or do with that of my friend or acquaintance(or total stranger, the silliest of all since I know nothing of that person's story or life experiences)  I forget His goodness.  I look away from His brilliance.  I tell Him that His goodness must not be enough or that His hands aren't strong enough to fix things(that one hurts to admit....much less type).  I miss His blessing...like this breath...and this one...and...OK, sorry I was getting carried away.  I move away from who He is molding me to be and ask for my dirty filthy rags back(if only for a moment) shrugging of the robes of righteousness He surrounded me with when I came to know Him as Savior.  
The "why me" game is an ugly game and only the one that is out to destroy and devour us wins.  
For only reasons Christ knows I am in this very spot at this very time to glorify Him through everything I do. 


So, I am thankful that with this feeling of not being good enough comes the reminder that He is more than just good enough AND has given me the ability to do better....through Him.
I am thankful that my incompetence can only mean that His competence in EVERY area shines through and whatever I do well I only do well because of Him and His great love for me.  I just need to seek Him.
I am thankful that my inability means His ability will lead me.  He will call me to things I am not the best at and teach me, guide me, grow me, stretch me....change me.  I need only to be still, listen, and know that He is God.


I will take this moment to revel in my humanness...but not because I like these feelings.  Not because it pleases me to recognize my faults but because it allows me to point to Him.  It reminds me that my worth is in Him(isn't that what I have been telling my kids for some time now....I can be slow you know ;)  ), it can't be measured by this world nor should it be.  The standards set before me by anyone other than Christ are not my goal.  
With this I am off to read a bit and sleep.  Praying whoever needed this reminder as much as I did will find it at just the right moment.  Anything useful  found within this blog is only because of my Best Friend who gives me the words. :)  Have you met Him?

Some days I feel as though I am constantly correcting behavior.  Constantly stepping in to frustrating situations.  Constantly disciplining in hopes for internal changes to take place in my kids minds and hearts.  And yet....it doesn't always happen like that.....
I have been dealing with my oldest son going through some growing up.  He's not even a teenager, people!!  How did he get to be almost as tall as me?  How did he become a young man when just yesterday it seemed like he was a sweet little toddler? Oh my heart aches.  Not because I don't like where he is now but because I know our time together, like it is now, is short.  It gets shorter and shorter with each moment.
We have been talking about internal vs. external changes alot too.  Noooooo, not the physical changes the body goes through...ha ha ha ha, that's not for a blog posting you know! ;)  I mean the "I will act this way so I stay out of trouble" vs "I want to be this way to please Christ" stuff.
I have found myself saying...often...you have chosen a consequence for your actions but I know this is just external.  The first time I said it I think the boys both looked at me like I was crazy.  But the more we talked or the more I had to follow through with a consequence they got it.  Kind of....
So my oldest told me today he would obey but only because he doesn't want the consequence.  Maybe I should have been excited.  Maybe I should have said "Wooo Hooo!"  Maybe...but I wasn't.  In fact, I was downright sad. 
I looked at my sweet firstborn and all I could say/think was this: Your desire to obey should come from a deep longing to obey Christ.  The desire to obey me shouldn't be because you don't want to get in trouble but because you desperately want to follow Christ!
Maybe he got it, maybe he didn't.  I do know that this same message isn't just for him. It's for me...you...any Christ follower around.  I want to obey out of a heart full of love and gratitude.  I want to seek Him first.  I want to be consumed by His love so much so that it exudes from my every pore!  I want to follow Him!!
You are following someone every moment of your life...as am I....who will you follow and why? :)

And we are off....

Christmas has gone....New Year celebrations are over.....memories made and shared with friends....and so begins another year.  This new time is here, new lessons for me....yet the same.....nothing is new under the sun you know.

This year I am being pulled out.  Why, I don't know....how, nope...don't have an answer for that one either. All I know is that my Lord is pulling me out of many things I think are my favorite things....this is exciting...unnerving....and I won't lie, a little frustrating at times.  I like plans, I like order, I like to know what is coming or at least know a bit of what is coming.  But this time around, I know only that His path for me is not one I have seen before.  Nothing familiar here.  And it is good.  It is good because I know my Savior loves me...I know my ways aren't even a smidge close to His ways...I know because He is good.

So, to prepare(HA) I made meals.  Seems so small but in our busy lives I want to do something.  Something that honors the food He has provided....something healthier than the ever present and easy fast food world we live in.....something that is less likely to pad my backside...he he he.....something to provide family time together between lessons, games, practice, tutoring, training, work, you know....the little things. :)

Jared's lessons start in earnest this week.  We did begin before our break time but will begin 3 days a week this week.  He is learning already and retaining some.  He has already talked to his trainer about Jesus....about his desire to sing in a band one day....singing songs about Christ.  He has talked about church with her.  He has shared an amazing blessing from Christ with her(but that blessing is for another post).  I am praying his joy in all things God shares with him continues and that his trainer see Christ shining through all of us!