But I wanna

We often talk of surrendering our will to our Savior's and making sure we are where we are supposed to be.  We can fill Bible study after Bible study with witty quips and scriptures intending to teach us how to lay it all down.  And while all of this is well and good at the end of the day it is a simple statement that must be addressed...."But I want to...."

The other day I had a sad moment with my kids.  After being instructed to complete a task they, yet again, chose to play, giggle and disobey.  We sat down for a "pow wow" discussion on where they were going wrong and how we could fix this problem.  We talked and talked about obedience, showing love, being examples, consequences and on and on, I was not the only one talking either.  My sweet middle child became very upset with himself and said I should take his DS and crush it(all with tears in his eyes).  My eldest rolled his eyes, said the other was over-reacting(which he usually does) and said I should have some sort of punishment if I catch them disobeying and the youngest of the family...well, she didn't really know what to think. :)

When we were done, no solution was on the horizon and the task they did not complete hours earlier also was not done.  I asked that they each think and pray on what Jesus wanted them to do now, as the youngest and oldest wanted to go back to what they were doing.  All three took a moment and individually said they should be cleaning.  I was pleased.  Then came the hard part.  My oldest said "But I want to finish my typing."  I asked what was it he said he should be doing and again he said he should be cleaning.  But again he stated "but I want to do typing instead."  Oh how my heart ached.  I knew I could not make this decision for him, I could not answer the question his heart was asking, he had to come to the conclusion and make the decision for himself.  The question was "will I surrender my will to Him?"  There was nothing actually wrong with wanting to type, it's part of his curriculum.  I could have been pleased he wanted to do something he has struggled with recently.  I will tell you, he struggled with this decision before him.  He sat and pouted(really only pouting to himself) and talked his way through it all.  He can be stubborn and very strong willed and I honestly did not know what he would choose.  In the end, he decided to clean and be obedient to Christ, much more important than any lesson I could have taught. 

This left me wondering, how often do I say to my Savior "but I want to (fill in the blank)"  I know what He wants for me, but under the guise of "it's just the way I am" or "I just couldn't say no" or "I was totally stressed out" or "I am just moody today, I can't help it"(I just stepped on my own toes, ow!) or.....you get the point, under one of these lies I do not choose to obey.  I do not chose to sacrifice.  It's not the big sacrifices that can be the only things that trip us up but the little ones meant to define our character that can also cause ourselves(or someone else) to stumble.  I am more aware of the thoughts of my heart these days.  I am more aware of the struggle I have allowed myself to fall in and praise Jesus I am more aware of the power of His name to release me from all these things.  I am free to give up the "I wants" for whatever He has for me.  Whether is it putting someones groceries away for them during a rainy trip to the store or taking another deep breath in dealing with the people around me(not only in my home but in my life) or in simply being still and listening for Him....I choose to say "Not my wants and desires Lord but Yours alone."

"But I want"  three words that can have a detrimental affect on our relationship with Christ.  What will you do with them.....